I was out for a walk the other day enjoying the beautiful spring weather in Michigan. It has been two years since I have been able to enjoy spring and I am loving it! I absolutely love talking walks, it is my time to talk to God, think, sing, day dream and just be. While living in Sudan my walks were in short supply and if I decided to brave a walk it was rarely peaceful. Normally I would be questioned non-stop "where are you going" followed by a blank look when I told them I was "hovo haga" (walking just because). No one in the Hills walks just to walk, no, they are going to a friends, to the field, to the grinding mill, on a journey. But never just to walk. I can walk for miles here and not see a soul, but if I happen to be walking down the road a quick wave is all that is done or rarely a stop to say hi. In Didinga I would probably see 30+ people who would all say something to me... it sure is a different world...
Anyway... I was out for one of my walks trying to enjoy myself, but I kept being interrupted by this deep worried feeling and thoughts that said; "Oh my goodness you only have 2 months until you leave" So much to do, so so MUCH" "It is never going to happen, Tianne, never" along with other thoughts until my head was spinning. The desire to just "settle" followed these thoughts. Lets face it most women my age are married and have children or close to it. They seem to have a pretty steady life.
I, on the other hand, am a ways off from settling. Since I turned 18 I have not lived in one place for longer than two years.
My quick timeline:
Age 18: moved in with my Aunt and Uncle for the winter, that summer took a 2 month trip with my cousin followed by moving to Montana
November of that year moved back home, worked and went to college. That summer spent 2 months on a short term mission trip in Africa
Age 21: moved to Oregon to attend college for 2 years, graduated from college, moved to Wyoming for the summer and fall, moved home in November then spent December in Honduras
Age 23: lived at home and worked at nursing home (and other odd jobs) to save money and support raise for moving to S. Sudan
Age 25: moved to S. Sudan
Age 27 (almost 28): moving to the Philippine for 2yrs
I can honestly say that I am ready to live in one place longer then 2 years. I am wanting to nest a bit, put down some roots. I would like to stop hearing "this is probably going to be the hardest thing you have ever done" (Canyonview told me that, TIMO told me that and now Newlife has told me that). I am ready to stop saying goodbyes all the time...
I am confident that God wants me to spend 2yrs in the Philippines studying midwifery. But it is my prayer that for my 30th year and beyond I get stuck in a bit of a rut. I am praying that God leads me to some place in Central Africa where I can share His love for more then 2 years, more like 5, 10, 15 or 20 years! But of course since I do feel called to a place the is war torn and full of unrest, well, who really knows how "settled" my live will ever be. God is faithful and He will give me strength to do whatever it is He calls me to do.
"Go in all simplicity; do not be anxious to win a quiet mind, and it will be all the quieter. Do not examine so closely into the progress of your soul. Do not crave so much to be perfect, but let your spiritual life be formed by your duties, and by the actions which are called forth by circumstances. Do not take overmuch thought for tomorrow. God, who has led you safely on so far, will lead you on to the end. Be altogether at rest in the loving holy confidence which you ought to have in His heavenly Providence. " ~ St. Francis de Sales
Anyway... I was out for one of my walks trying to enjoy myself, but I kept being interrupted by this deep worried feeling and thoughts that said; "Oh my goodness you only have 2 months until you leave" So much to do, so so MUCH" "It is never going to happen, Tianne, never" along with other thoughts until my head was spinning. The desire to just "settle" followed these thoughts. Lets face it most women my age are married and have children or close to it. They seem to have a pretty steady life.
I, on the other hand, am a ways off from settling. Since I turned 18 I have not lived in one place for longer than two years.
My quick timeline:
Age 18: moved in with my Aunt and Uncle for the winter, that summer took a 2 month trip with my cousin followed by moving to Montana
November of that year moved back home, worked and went to college. That summer spent 2 months on a short term mission trip in Africa
Age 21: moved to Oregon to attend college for 2 years, graduated from college, moved to Wyoming for the summer and fall, moved home in November then spent December in Honduras
Age 23: lived at home and worked at nursing home (and other odd jobs) to save money and support raise for moving to S. Sudan
Age 25: moved to S. Sudan
Age 27 (almost 28): moving to the Philippine for 2yrs
I can honestly say that I am ready to live in one place longer then 2 years. I am wanting to nest a bit, put down some roots. I would like to stop hearing "this is probably going to be the hardest thing you have ever done" (Canyonview told me that, TIMO told me that and now Newlife has told me that). I am ready to stop saying goodbyes all the time...
I am confident that God wants me to spend 2yrs in the Philippines studying midwifery. But it is my prayer that for my 30th year and beyond I get stuck in a bit of a rut. I am praying that God leads me to some place in Central Africa where I can share His love for more then 2 years, more like 5, 10, 15 or 20 years! But of course since I do feel called to a place the is war torn and full of unrest, well, who really knows how "settled" my live will ever be. God is faithful and He will give me strength to do whatever it is He calls me to do.
"Go in all simplicity; do not be anxious to win a quiet mind, and it will be all the quieter. Do not examine so closely into the progress of your soul. Do not crave so much to be perfect, but let your spiritual life be formed by your duties, and by the actions which are called forth by circumstances. Do not take overmuch thought for tomorrow. God, who has led you safely on so far, will lead you on to the end. Be altogether at rest in the loving holy confidence which you ought to have in His heavenly Providence. " ~ St. Francis de Sales
Tianne, Jessica was born 4/7/87 and Christina 4/18/89. When is your birthday? So many of their friends are already married, many with one or more children. Like you, they are not. I know you are a little older but God has plans for all of you - in his time. Right now he is using you in ways he wouldn't be able to if your time was occupied by being the great mom that you will one day be. Diana Fischbach
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