Whats around the bend?

I can still feel the soft breeze on my face, the sound of horse hooves, the rhythm of my mount under me. I can see my shinny black faithful dog running happily ahead of me and my short corgi following so close behind the horse's hooves you would think he might get kicked, but he never did. These were fun days of running across meadows, singing at the top of my lungs with only the wild critters to hear me. There were hours spent dreaming, exploring and being free. I would take to the trail and no one really knew where I was headed. Most of the time I didn't even know. Often I rode onto new ground, the road calling me farther and farther.

 The bend, there was always a bend up ahead. I always longed for reaching it and seeing what lay around it's corner. Dusk might be settling, I may have something else to do and still I would long to reach that bend. Sometimes, I would forget to look around me, my eyes, fixed ahead. I would often miss a deer standing quietly by or the way the light sparkled through the trees or even some delicious berries growing along the path. In my quest for the unknown, I would miss the present. I would miss the beauty that was right there in the moment for me to enjoy.

 You know, once I reached the bend, I rounded it's corner only to find another bend ahead, another mystery that was just up there, just a little out of my reach. Sometimes I would go that little ways further around that bend to see the next and yet sometimes I would have to turn around and head back. I was left wondering what lay just ahead, just where I could not tread. Would I remember this spot? Could I come back and go a little further, Sometimes yes and sometimes no.

 Now years later, my life has moved on from that place and that time. Sometimes I would like to go back, but you can't go back. Most times I want to keep moving forward, I long for seeing around each bend that life has ahead. I want to see what lays on the other side. I strain, often I am not content to slowly walk ahead and I try to run. I want to rush because I know that one day something better is around one of these bends and one day I will find it.

 Life is strange. We only have the present. The now. Yet, few live in the now. Most like me, are either looking ahead or looking back. Why is it so hard to live right here, right now, where we are? There is so much beauty right here, right where I am. The wind, it is lovely when it blows through the rice fields. The many women with their pregnant bellies and new babies, new life is all around. New hopes and new dreams are literally being born most everyday where I live. It is beautiful. But I am too often busy, busy looking at my next bend. I want to be there I want to round the next corner. I strain. This straining does not help me make it to the bend quicker. No. It only makes the present take longer and not only that it steals the blessings, the beauty of the present away and instead inserts a restless spirit that steals joy. It takes what could be gifts and turns them into curses. In straining to make it to the next bend I miss out on life, the life God has for me right here, right now.

 I am challenged. To see beauty right here, right now. To see the good things that God has for me now, today. I am challenged to live in joy, to live in love right now, today, in this very minute. To soak in each family I am blessed to serve through midwifery. To enjoy a house full of godly women that all have a heart to serve God and all the many other wonderful things that are right here, right now. Yes. Yes indeed God has beautiful things in this moment and I can trust Him to have beautiful things in the future. Let me not rush ahead and miss this moment.

 "LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance." Psalm 16:5-6

Not always fun

Every birth is a miracle. Every baby a blessing. But not every birth is fun for the midwife. A lot of mothers that have had a few babies like to do things their own way, which is great. Most of the time. It does make it difficult to do your job as a midwife however. For example: "Here is some water." "no thank you mam." "You have not had any since last night." "no thank you mam". "Why don't you go try to void" "Later mam" "you have not voided, in 4+ hrs, it can prevent the baby's head from coming down." "later mam". And on and on it goes.

This particular mother's last baby had a really fast pushing stage. She expected that to happen with this one and it didn't. You can't reason with a laboring woman very well and sometimes your attempts to help get a "just leave". These are the times you have to love, support,  pray and not take it personal.

The baby did come, in only about 20 minutes once the mom got down to pushing. She did a great job, even if she wouldn't do a thing we said, thankfully there was no major reason for her to need to listen to us (through it would have made it better for her). Her husband was fabulous and did whatever she wished. I again had the pleasure of seeing a squirmy baby boy meet his momma for the very first time. I love that part of my job, always :)

Thankful Thursday

Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful for the wonderful birthday package my mom & dad sent me that I picked up at the postoffice this afternoon. Thank you mom & dad, I love it :) 

In my package was an especially wonderful thing - homemade dried strawberries! YUM! I love dried strawberries for many reasons. For one, they are simply delicious :) They remind me of hot summer days chopping strawberries & eating strawberry shortcake,  they remind me of being a kid and filling up the big homemade, fun, one of a kind painted food dehydrator & they remind me of my parents giving heart, because it takes a lot of work to dry them and I know was not a good strawberry year. Yay for yummy wonderful dried strawberries and thanks again mom & dad! 

South Sudan, the worlds most dangerous place to give birth.

A look at maternity care in South Sudan the country where I plan to serve after I finish my midwifery training.

Thankful Thursday - a day late

Honestly, I have not been feeling very thankful. Often times I wonder why it is so easy to point out the things that I am not thankful for. 

* I am tried pretty much all the time.

* My dog that is spayed is attracting every male dog in the area.

* My tummy hurt almost all last week.

* I have ring worm on my arm.

* A headache ALL day today.

* I think I failed my last test....

The list could go on and on. I am just having trouble feeling thankful. But really there are many wonderful things to be thankful for:

* My new housemate Aisling had lots of chocolate mailed over that she forces me to eat. 

* I have a comfy bed to rest my weary self in. 

* I have internet access, so I am not as lonely for friends & family

* God loves me ALL the time!

* There is a cool breeze in the evenings 

* I can drink a nice cup of tea in the mornings (or anytime that I want for that matter) 

This list can go on and on too. For some reason it is just harder to think about the lovely things of life. Today I am thankful for the fact there is always something to be thankful for. The tiniest smile, a kind word, the voice of a friend from far away.... always something :) 

Five beautiful August baby girls

Gwenyth Elise Born at 11:15am on August 2 2012 

Sharmaine born at 1:35am on August 13th 2012

Angelic born at 2:02pm on August 24th 2012

Shekainah Jhun born at 1:08am on August 28th 2012

Jhea Pearl Klarisa born at 4:01am on August 31st 2012 

Life. For now.

11pm 8/23: I head to bed with the "boyfriend"also known as the clinic phone after an evening of studying. Blah. 

2am 8/24: Worried that I might miss the phone going off I groggily wake up and check it. Nothing. 

Some time between 2am & 5:30am: I dream about a birth - do you think I am being consumed by what I do? 

5:30am: The phone goes off and I hear it (which I always do), pulling on my scrubs I  head down stairs to check the patients chart as I wait for her to reply back to a question I asked. 

5:45am: She texts back and is in early labor. I ask her to text again when her contractions get stronger. 

5:50am: Crawling back into bed, I don't even bother to take my scrubs off again. Sleepy. 

8am: I get out of bed to the sound of the tile workers pounding on the porch by my bedroom. This has been happening every morning but Sundays since I returned from break.  Everyone who sees me asks me if I have a labor. "No" I reply, "I just have not bothered to change out of my scrubs". 

8:15am: I drink a glass of black tea as I usually do and for a special treat I eat some cherry pie from the night before (which may I add is a special treat indeed!). 

9:30am: Right as I start thinking it is time to change out of my scrubs the woman from earlier texts that her labor has picked up and she is coming. 

10am: My labor arrives, smiling & sweet. She is 7cm and she will stay. I like her. 

Between 10am & 12pm: I check my patient off and on as I am trying to read a book report book. She is happily laboring outside. 

12pm: Her contractions are much stronger and I stay in the birth room to help her labor. Yet, she is still able to smile and giggle. 

12:30pm: I really have to pee.... 

1:45ish: After some hard wok for my patient breathing through her contractions she starts to push. She is still able to smile and giggle 

2:02pm: She pushes her baby out into my awaiting hands while sitting on the birth stool. I get splashed with amniotic fluid. My sweet patient cries out "my baby, my baby" as I place her new little one on her tummy. 

2:05pm: With a smile she exclaims "its a girl" 

2:23pm: My patient delivered her placenta. Now some of you may want to stop reading at this point, while some of you might find this interesting. Normally the placenta comes out by itself or with a little traction on the cord, this time however, I had to reach in and manually assist it (if anyone would like to know more about this just message me). 

2:40pm: While the practically perfect intern, Suzie, takes care of my patient, I hurry up to change my birth fluid splattered scrubs and then wash the birth fluids off my body. Oh and I  finally got to go pee! Better, I feel better.  

2:50pm: After drinking a cool glass of water I head back down stairs. 

From 2:50 until 4:30ish: I am scurrying around doing odds and end for my patient, such as; vitals for both mom and baby, getting her situated in the postpartum area. When all of a sudden I hear a voice coming from the delivery room bathroom. It's Anie one of my supervisors and experienced midwives on staff. She also had a patient that gave birth around the same time as mine. She needed help, her patient had passed out in the bathroom and was vomiting and bleeding. I along with the intern Suzie rush next door to assist. For the next 15-20 minutes I assisted getting her stable and situated, new IV tubing and fluid were hung, repeated blood pressures and pulse taken and mopping up the floor. Thanks to the help of several other midwives all turned out well. Oh and somewhere in there, I think about 3:30, I was finally able to take about 5 minutes to stuff down some much needed food. That piece of cherry pie had worn off long ago. 

5pm: I flop onto my bed, with my patient on 4 hour checks now, I can rest a bit. Oh, but I forgot to mention that tonight is a going away party for Suzie, who leaves on Sunday. In fact while I was busy with my patient, a videoke machine had been delivered and a delightful spread has been prepared. With yumminess and fun at hand, I just couldn't stay in bed long. 

5:20pm: Another shower... Ok, yes, I may have practiced my singing a little bit as I shampooed my hair. 

5:30pm: We begin our feasting, starting out with "dynamite" deep fried cheese stuffed peppers and deep fired pork belly. YUM. Thanks to a friend from Manila, we also had a fresh lettuce salad. Double YUM. 

6pm: Time for videoko, a favorite Filippino pass time. The machine is siting on the front porch of the clinic and yes, we will leave it there. This will be the third time this month I have sang videoko, I didn't know what songs I really knew and others that I thought I knew and didn't. My song, yes the song that I sing well is the titanic theme song, My Heart Will Go On. I didn't even know I even knew the words very well, much less that I could sing it at all. Yet here I am for the third time in a month belting it out for the neighborhood and yes, our patients to here. Funny thing about the video part, is instead of seeing a couple in love on the screen, there is downhill skiers crashing in the powdery snow. Weird. 

From 6pm to 8:30pm: We dance and sing together. Fun, silly, and simple good times. 

8:30pm: I do my 4hr postpartum check. Both mama and baby are doing well. Then back to singing...

9pmish: I am belting off Shana Twains "Man I feel like a woman" when I glance over to see my patient's face in the small window! She needed me for something... How weird is this? Where else in the world would I be singing on the front porch of a maternity clinic? I love it! 

From 9pmish until 12:30am: Slowly everyone but Suzie and I meander up stairs to bed. We stay on the porch and sing and sing and laugh and sing and dance and laugh. Good times, very good times!! 

12:30am 8/25/12: Another postpartum check, mom smiles and baby sleeps. They are both resting well. 

1am: Off to bed, alarm clock set for 4:25am when I will get up to check mom & baby again. I drift off to sleep worried I will not wake up to the alarm clock. I always worry and I always wake up

2:30am: Check the clock. whew, I have two hours left to sleep. 

4:25am: Chiming, that is getting louder. "Uh, what is that? Oh, gosh my alarm clock" I groggily slip out of bed. 

4:30am: Quietly enter the postpartum room. My patient is sitting up. She smiles. I ask her how she is feeling, "OK mam". Chatting with her I ask when the last time she nursed her baby. Not for awhile she tells me. Too long, so I go to work waking up the baby. She does not want to wake up. I tickle her toes, tickle her ribs and move her arms. She blinks sweetly and tries to go back to sleep. "No, no sweet baby, I coo to her, you need to nurse now" Her mom laughs. I glance at the clock. This is fun, but it would be more fun if it wasn't so early. "lets nurse already baby" I think to myself. About 40 minutes later, baby is finally awake enough and she starts to nurse. I the tired midwife heads back to bed. 

8am: Up again. I fill up my special blue cup with instant coffee and head down stairs. I start the task of getting my patient discharged. Time for another set of vitals, filling out the birth certificate, postpartum instructions, baby bath...

9:30am: I am praying with my patient and taking a family photo. They are ready to head home with their new special blessing. I am tired, yet I am happy. What a gift to share this special time with this family. God is good. 

10:30am: I am finished with charting and tidying after my patient left. 

11am to 12pm: Nap. Nice wonderful nap. 

12pm: Time to get on with where I left off studying... doing what I don't like, so that I can spend a life time doing what I do like, being the hands and feet of Jesus to families through midwifery. 

 

Thankful Thursday

This sunny warm Thursday I am thankful for the nice home visit I had with one of my patients. I was reminded how much I love being out building relationships (I don't get to go out much because of my schedule). I was blessed by her and her family's smiles, laughter, kind hearts & by their sweet gifts of fruit & lunch.  I'll be posting pictures in about a month of my patient and her new baby when she arrives :) 

Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful for having an abundant supply of water and a nice shower. Last night as a was washing the days sweat off in the shower, I got to thinking about how wonderful it is to have running water, a tall shower head with good pressure and not have to conserve water. So, even when it is a bit chilly and I have to count to three before I get under the cool stream, I choose to be thankful for the blessing of having a wonderful shower! 

Catching Princess Dyana's first baby

I pray a lot about the labors I will get and God is so good about answering those prayers to meet my study/sleep needs. I knew a couple of things about my next labor; It would be at night and it would be a first time mom. How did I know this, because I have not labored with a first time mom in a long while and God had given me plenty of time to finish my assignment (even through I still had a little bit left, that was totally my fault). So at 9:30pm when I got the text, I was not at all surprised.

Princess Dyana or Dyan for short came marching through the door and toward the prenatal room. "Where is she going" I giggled and redirected her to the birth room. She was all smiles and I really thought I would be sending her home. To my surprise she was 5cm. Dyan was so cute as she danced around the room and walked about. She was happily on a mission to meet her baby and did everything with as much joy as she could muster. During transition Dyan got a bit more uncomfortable, but with a little direction she started to calm down and focus on the task at hand. Soon she was uncontrollably bearing down. Checking to make sure she was fully dilated, I found the cervix at 10cm. Dyan pushed with her body, maybe with a little bit to much gusto and after only 13 minutes of pushing, a smile from out of this world on her face, she pushed her baby girl into the world and into my hands. It was beautiful! She did a fabulous job and with tears of joy in her eyes she greeted her precious baby. With tears in my eyes I witnessed a young woman become a mother and a young man become a father for the very first time. Beautiful.

Northern Flowers

"Flowers don't worry about how they're going to bloom. They just open up and turn toward the light and that makes them beautiful."  ~Unknown 

"I wandered lonely as a cloud

That floats on high o'er vales and hills,

When all at once I saw a crowd,

A host, of golden daffodils;

Beside the lake, beneath the trees,

Fluttering and dancing in the breeze

Continuous as the stars that shine

And twinkle on the milky way,

They stretched in never-ending line

Along the margin of a bay:

Ten thousand saw I at a glance,

Tossing their heads in sprightly dance."

~William Wordsworth, "I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud," 1804

Some of the reasons why I'm doing what I do

Maternal Health in the Developing World from TOBY MADDEN on Vimeo.

Northern Adventure part 2

My time visiting my cousin in the Yukon was just about perfect. We went on many little adventures, had a near death experience (at least that is how my story goes), we drank tea & chatted in the mornings . I got to share a special time with Candace and her husband :) We played many games of Settlers of Catan and just enjoyed each others compony. It was so wonderful and I think God for blessing me with the special month of friendship and fun! I hope you enjoy the pictures and captions below :)

Enter Yukon Canada  

Carcross desert, the northern most desert

Beautiful sand between my toes

Yukon, larger than life - even the cinnamon rolls :) 

Wild strawberries, the most I have ever seen or picked in my life

Homegrown lettuce, wild strawberries, fireweed flowers and homemade lemon poppy seed dressing
Amazing!

Sometime wonderful in the making...

I had dreamed about this pie for a long time

Now it is in my hands, fresh & hot
Strawberry rhubarb pie!

Candace's fireweed garden

I love sweet wonderful flowers

The lily pad lake at Candace & Riley's cabin 

Enter the local dump

Which just happens to be a great wild life viewing area

The bears like it there

Along with bald eagles 

The young eagle lives at the dump too, along with the gulls & ravens

Signpost, Keno. 

Hee hee:)

Fresh snow in July, I loved it. Candace wanted to cry

Admiring the Lord's handy work

We spent a day floating the Mayo river, in dry suits

Half way through the sun came out and we even got a little sun kissed. It was a beautiful day!

Tombstone

A very lovely place (but it does get a lot of rain)!

I attempted to pan for gold, but alas I didn't find a thing and my fingers started to freeze

Allie & I... we decided to climb a mountain with loose rocks near the top. As Candace and I are trying to decide if we should attempt to keep going as we got closer to the top, all of a sudden the earth between my feet moves. I was scared!   Knees shaking Alli (who was above me) and I move quickly to a sturdy looking rock as the ground slides under us.
Needless to say we turned around. 

It was an amazing view despite the rain

Mrs. Moose

A lovely place to camp by the river!

Amazingly beautiful!

On our last hike we made up a story about the little people who lived in these stump houses :)

Hi baby

I had a very wonderful time spending a month with Candace!!!

All good things must end

However, other good things were just around the bend :)