Being Glad

There is always something to be glad about. I know this and have known this, yet, it was brought to my mind again when I picked up the book, Pollyanna, by Eleanor H. Porter. 

Pollyanna's philosophy of life centers on a game her father taught her called "The Glad Game". The game consists of discovering a silver lining in the darkest of clouds, something in everything to be glad about. Pollyanna's cheery optimistic attitude of being glad brightens the lives and the hearts of her new town. I find this to be a wonderful attitude to have and I don't know about you, but I might have to start playing the glad game myself :) 

“Just breathing isn't living!” ~ Pollyanna 

“What men and women need is encouragement. Their natural resisting powers should be strengthened, not weakened…. Instead of always harping on a man’s faults, tell him of his virtues. Try to pull him out of his rut of bad habits. Hold up to him his better self, his REAL self that can dare and do and win out! … The influence of a beautiful, helpful, hopeful character is contagious, and may revolutionize a whole town…. People radiate what is in their minds and in their hearts. If a man feels kindly and obliging, his neighbors will feel that way, too, before long. But if he scolds and scowls and criticizes—his neighbors will return scowl for scowl, and add interest! … When you look for the bad, expecting it, you will get it. When you know you will find the good—you will get that…” ~ Pollyanna 

Two baby boys

 I had the honor of catching two baby boys in just over 10hrs of each other.

Meet Ryan Kyle in my right arm and John Rick in my left arm

John Rick was born at 8:40pm on Nov 14th after this mom only pushed for 19 minutes!

He weighted 3.05kg & was born in the cull 

His mom & dad where very excited to become parents! 

Ryan Kyle was born to my continuity patient at 6:45am on Nov 15th, his 16yr old mom only pushed for 15min!

He weighted 3.2kg and was born in the cull too, which is not very common

His mom & dad were very excited to become parents too :)

It was such a joy to walk with this young woman through her pregnancy, birth and now postpartum.

Thankful Thursday

About two weeks ago I started the dreaded Algebra class. I have been dreading this class since I knew I would have to take it. I even tried to find a college level class I could take that did not involve Algebra, to no avail. Defeated I prepared myself to take it, by trying to think about it as little as possible.

I struggled with math growing up (just ask my mom). I gained a little confidence when I got a 4.0 in a pre-algebra class in college, but that was 10 years ago... With dread I started Algebra and it proved to be dreadful and I felt myself sinking and sinking into the pits of Algebra fear with every attempt to master each problem.

The thing is I MUST pass this class. It is not an option. Until tonight I was starting to wonder if my brain was going to fail me or not. I prayed, I asked for help and then I opened up the Algebra Survival guide by mother sent with me (why I didn't open it sooner, I'll never know). After two hours with my nose in this book, I think there is hope, hope that yes, I can pass this class and for that I am THANKFUL!

 p.s. Dare I mention that it proved to be a teeny tiny bit fun? 

Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful for some lovely fall leaves my mom mailed to me. Every morning I wake up and look at them on my wall. They bring back lovely memories of crisp fall days, apple cider, puffy clouds, wood smoke, & the list goes on.

Thanks mom for sending me leaves every year. I love them!

The maple reminds me of the big tree in our front yard. My mom & I had a picture taken by it together for the first 20 or so years of my life 

The Sumac leaf always reminds me of long fall horse back rides 

Each leaf brings back a different memory & the hope of new memories to come 

I LOVE the smell of fall leaves! <3 <3 

On being tall

I am not entirely sure what started my thinking, but I have the itch to cut my hair short, really short. This lead me to google “tall women and shot hair”, just to see if I would look good. Turns out there are lots of differing views on the topic. While I was browsing, I ran into websites dedicated to tall women, yep that’s right support groups for us overly tall ladies (a tall blog for your enjoyment:
thetallblog.wordpress.com ). I enjoyed readying through the different sites about how beautiful being a tall woman is. It made me feel nice :) Then I decided to write a blog about my own story of tallness.

For those of you who don’t know I have always been tall, there was no amazing grow spurt. Here is a picture to prove it :) 

These are my cousins, us in blue are the same age

Is my family tall? 
yep. 

Am I the tallest in my immediate family? 
sure am. 

Am I dutch? 
no, there is not a lick of dutch in my family tree.

Do/did you play basketball? 
No, never, nor did I ever want to - please stop with the basketball questions 

Do you like being tall?
Yes I do. 

A few things I love about being tall:
I love being able to see over a crowed of people. 
I love being able to reach things easily. 
I like my long curves. 
I like people telling me I should be a model (even if I don’t completely believe I could be). 
I like being told that only tall women can ever really be stunning (even if I don’t feel like I am stunning). 

Somethings I don’t like so much about being tall:
I’m an introvert, I do not like being noticed where ever I go. Ok, sometime I do, but I wish there was a switch so the 90% of the time I don’t want to be noticed I wouldn’t be.
I don’t like the stares and finger pointing, at all. 
I do not like the exclaim “wow, you are so tall!” no really? I hadn’t noticed, thanks for pointing that out to me. 
I don’t like to be told to be proud of my height and stand tall - really, I don’t remember ever trying to be smaller, ever. 
I don’t like being taller than what seems to be 90% of men. Yep, I said.  It stinks. 

Really I don’t mind being tall through I would rather be more in the middle, like say 5’10. But if I had to be an extreme I would rather be tall than short. 

Being tall is harder in Asia. I am seriously more then a head taller then most everyone. I feel weird. I miss being around tall people and not standing out 100% of the time. I don’t like feeling like a giant, through I am learning to embrace it. I don’t like the comments, the points, the stares... like I said I am a introvert. 

Me in public transportation here in the Philippines - I just don't fit 

Giant

Where is God in all this? I think every person that is different in some way has asked God why at least a few times. I sure have. He gave me an answer a long time ago. Really. God told me that He knew I would get lost in a crowed and that He made me to stand out, so He gave me my height to ensure I do.  There have been times I have not liked God so much for this “gift”, because I really don’t like being noticed. But, I have learned that it isn’t about me and through my height God allows me to talk to people I never would or rather people to talk to me who never would just because I am tall.  I have opportunities to share His love by just being tall, now that is pretty cool. 

My tall family (most of the short people have married in :) 

Through being tall I have learned to except people for who they are, because I want to be excepted for who I am. I have learned that despite what I might think or believe, the truth is God made me this way, He is happy with the results and I should be too. I am beautiful, made in the imagine of my Creator and I learned this in my struggle to embrace standing out in a way that I can’t ever change.

So for anyone who wanted to know, yes, I like being tall :)

I felt like her mother as I held her hand and stroked her hair as she lay on the birthing chair at the public hospital. It was about 3pm in the afternoon and she had been laboring at Abundant with me since 3am. This 17 year old girl was very strong and she tried really hard. Unfortunately once she got to 9cm her cervix would not finish dilating. I had been her midwife since April and had developed a special relationship with her. I wanted her to have such a great birth and I was excited to place her first baby on her belly.

I have found as a midwife there is always room for second guessing, it is hard to know how long to try and when to transport. After trial pushing, waiting and trying to push again, I told her that I was worried she was getting too tried and that if she wanted she could wait a little longer or we could go to the hospital now. She had tears in her eyes, but after a little while, she decided she would like to go to the hospital. I held up her IV as we drove there, she closed her eyes and tried to sleep. I wondered if there was something I could have or should have done differently. 

At the hospital they do not allow families into the delivery room. The midwifes there stated my patient was their 6th birth of the day and one of those had been a set of twins. After helping her into the birthing chair we waited for the doctor to arrive. As we were waiting a women beside us gave birth to her baby. I could feel my patient's heaviness, this was the second baby that had given birth while she was laboring. After the doctor arrived they helped her try and push a few times, but soon decided that she needed a c-section (I am still not entirely sure why). 

Taking ahold of my hand she said,"I'm scared, what if I die." What do you say, how do respond? "You won't. Pray to God, I know that He will care for you." I replied. Tears swelled behind my eyes, "I'm a professional, I can't cry" I thought to myself. I stood there stroking her hair and holding her hand until they were ready to transport her to the surgery. I hated to go, but I knew they wouldn't let me in with her. Promising to return the next day, I prayed for her, squeezed her hand and left.

Back up to 7am in the morning, my cell phone goes off, "Ma'am, I am on my way. I am in labor". It's my other patient. "Oh, goodness, I knew this was going to happen" I think to myself as I go make the other bed. Soon this patient arrives and she looks like she is quite active. This is baby number two for her and they normally come faster. I check and find her cervix is 5cm with strong contractions, hum, who will deliver first? 

With the help of the other midwives, I manage to juggle both laboring women. Soon it becomes obvious that the mother to arrive second is going to deliver first. Her urge to push is strong and she can't help but push & soon the baby's head is visible. She pushes on the birth stool with me squatting in front of her, when baby is born into my hands. He does not cry right away. We work on stimulating him and give a few breaths of air before he starts crying. In the mean time the mother starts to bleed and requires oxytocin. Before too long mom and baby are happily snuggled up together, baby's breathing is still a bit irregular, but they will both be OK. After doing a few checks, my other patient is sounding more active and I head over to be with her. 

Fast forward. I am leaving the hospital, my eyes are heavy since I was up at 1am to assist for a birth and then up again at 3am when my patient came in. Arriving back to the clinic I poke my head into the postpartum room where I find patient #2 sitting on the bed with her baby, husband & little 3 year old girl. They all look up and smile at me, it warms my heart. I hustle up stairs and quickly make a cup of instant coffee mixed with milo, I sit down and drink it. This coffee will get me through discharge. 

I hustle back down stairs and with the help of the other student, Aisling, we give the baby a bath (He proceeds to poop all over Aisling's arms ;), take a last set of vital signs, fill out the birth certificate information and schedule postpartum appointments. I decide to wait on pictures because I can barely keep my eyes open and am, lets just say not looking my best. 

At about 6:30pm, I am sitting in the postpartum room, my patient had just left with her new little bundle of joy. It always makes me happy to watch a family leave with their new baby, such a special time. Laying my head back against the wall, I am so, so tired, yet so satisfied. I look down at the bed and consider laying down and closing my eyes for just a moment. But I laugh at myself, because I know if I lay down that is where I would be found the next day. So I got my butt up and finished my work. An hour later after dinner and a shower I am in bed and quickly slip off to dream land. 

I did go see my patient who had a c-section today. Mom is tried, but ok and baby is beautiful. Unfortunately I was unable to get a photo.

Funny little story

I am not sure that I should admit this, but last year I had a bald spot on the top of my head! Yikes! Why you ask. Well, one day I got a lovely boil on the top of my head (yuck). A week or so later ALL the hair fell out in that spot, clean, clear, shinny smooth no more hair. And then days went by, weeks went by, I think even months went by and no hair started to grow. I had to do comb overs or you would see my bald spot. I began to worry. What if hair never, ever, grew back in that spot? Would I have to worry about keeping it covered up for the rest of my life? To my relief one day as I was checking it out in the mirror there was a tiny itty bitty amount of hair growing. Whew. As you will see in the picture below a year later and it is not quite grown out just yet. 

Bald!!!

YAY it grew back! Seems to be curly now :0/ If I am not careful it sticks straight up on the top of my head!
Oh the joy ;) 

Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful for catching another lovely baby at 11:02am. Little Jashmine slipped into my hands after her mother gently and slowly pushed her into this world. It was beautiful! I don't think I will ever tire of watching a woman become a mother for the very first time :)

Whats around the bend?

I can still feel the soft breeze on my face, the sound of horse hooves, the rhythm of my mount under me. I can see my shinny black faithful dog running happily ahead of me and my short corgi following so close behind the horse's hooves you would think he might get kicked, but he never did. These were fun days of running across meadows, singing at the top of my lungs with only the wild critters to hear me. There were hours spent dreaming, exploring and being free. I would take to the trail and no one really knew where I was headed. Most of the time I didn't even know. Often I rode onto new ground, the road calling me farther and farther.

 The bend, there was always a bend up ahead. I always longed for reaching it and seeing what lay around it's corner. Dusk might be settling, I may have something else to do and still I would long to reach that bend. Sometimes, I would forget to look around me, my eyes, fixed ahead. I would often miss a deer standing quietly by or the way the light sparkled through the trees or even some delicious berries growing along the path. In my quest for the unknown, I would miss the present. I would miss the beauty that was right there in the moment for me to enjoy.

 You know, once I reached the bend, I rounded it's corner only to find another bend ahead, another mystery that was just up there, just a little out of my reach. Sometimes I would go that little ways further around that bend to see the next and yet sometimes I would have to turn around and head back. I was left wondering what lay just ahead, just where I could not tread. Would I remember this spot? Could I come back and go a little further, Sometimes yes and sometimes no.

 Now years later, my life has moved on from that place and that time. Sometimes I would like to go back, but you can't go back. Most times I want to keep moving forward, I long for seeing around each bend that life has ahead. I want to see what lays on the other side. I strain, often I am not content to slowly walk ahead and I try to run. I want to rush because I know that one day something better is around one of these bends and one day I will find it.

 Life is strange. We only have the present. The now. Yet, few live in the now. Most like me, are either looking ahead or looking back. Why is it so hard to live right here, right now, where we are? There is so much beauty right here, right where I am. The wind, it is lovely when it blows through the rice fields. The many women with their pregnant bellies and new babies, new life is all around. New hopes and new dreams are literally being born most everyday where I live. It is beautiful. But I am too often busy, busy looking at my next bend. I want to be there I want to round the next corner. I strain. This straining does not help me make it to the bend quicker. No. It only makes the present take longer and not only that it steals the blessings, the beauty of the present away and instead inserts a restless spirit that steals joy. It takes what could be gifts and turns them into curses. In straining to make it to the next bend I miss out on life, the life God has for me right here, right now.

 I am challenged. To see beauty right here, right now. To see the good things that God has for me now, today. I am challenged to live in joy, to live in love right now, today, in this very minute. To soak in each family I am blessed to serve through midwifery. To enjoy a house full of godly women that all have a heart to serve God and all the many other wonderful things that are right here, right now. Yes. Yes indeed God has beautiful things in this moment and I can trust Him to have beautiful things in the future. Let me not rush ahead and miss this moment.

 "LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance." Psalm 16:5-6

Not always fun

Every birth is a miracle. Every baby a blessing. But not every birth is fun for the midwife. A lot of mothers that have had a few babies like to do things their own way, which is great. Most of the time. It does make it difficult to do your job as a midwife however. For example: "Here is some water." "no thank you mam." "You have not had any since last night." "no thank you mam". "Why don't you go try to void" "Later mam" "you have not voided, in 4+ hrs, it can prevent the baby's head from coming down." "later mam". And on and on it goes.

This particular mother's last baby had a really fast pushing stage. She expected that to happen with this one and it didn't. You can't reason with a laboring woman very well and sometimes your attempts to help get a "just leave". These are the times you have to love, support,  pray and not take it personal.

The baby did come, in only about 20 minutes once the mom got down to pushing. She did a great job, even if she wouldn't do a thing we said, thankfully there was no major reason for her to need to listen to us (through it would have made it better for her). Her husband was fabulous and did whatever she wished. I again had the pleasure of seeing a squirmy baby boy meet his momma for the very first time. I love that part of my job, always :)

Thankful Thursday

Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful for the wonderful birthday package my mom & dad sent me that I picked up at the postoffice this afternoon. Thank you mom & dad, I love it :) 

In my package was an especially wonderful thing - homemade dried strawberries! YUM! I love dried strawberries for many reasons. For one, they are simply delicious :) They remind me of hot summer days chopping strawberries & eating strawberry shortcake,  they remind me of being a kid and filling up the big homemade, fun, one of a kind painted food dehydrator & they remind me of my parents giving heart, because it takes a lot of work to dry them and I know was not a good strawberry year. Yay for yummy wonderful dried strawberries and thanks again mom & dad! 

South Sudan, the worlds most dangerous place to give birth.

A look at maternity care in South Sudan the country where I plan to serve after I finish my midwifery training.

Thankful Thursday - a day late

Honestly, I have not been feeling very thankful. Often times I wonder why it is so easy to point out the things that I am not thankful for. 

* I am tried pretty much all the time.

* My dog that is spayed is attracting every male dog in the area.

* My tummy hurt almost all last week.

* I have ring worm on my arm.

* A headache ALL day today.

* I think I failed my last test....

The list could go on and on. I am just having trouble feeling thankful. But really there are many wonderful things to be thankful for:

* My new housemate Aisling had lots of chocolate mailed over that she forces me to eat. 

* I have a comfy bed to rest my weary self in. 

* I have internet access, so I am not as lonely for friends & family

* God loves me ALL the time!

* There is a cool breeze in the evenings 

* I can drink a nice cup of tea in the mornings (or anytime that I want for that matter) 

This list can go on and on too. For some reason it is just harder to think about the lovely things of life. Today I am thankful for the fact there is always something to be thankful for. The tiniest smile, a kind word, the voice of a friend from far away.... always something :) 

Five beautiful August baby girls

Gwenyth Elise Born at 11:15am on August 2 2012 

Sharmaine born at 1:35am on August 13th 2012

Angelic born at 2:02pm on August 24th 2012

Shekainah Jhun born at 1:08am on August 28th 2012

Jhea Pearl Klarisa born at 4:01am on August 31st 2012 

Life. For now.

11pm 8/23: I head to bed with the "boyfriend"also known as the clinic phone after an evening of studying. Blah. 

2am 8/24: Worried that I might miss the phone going off I groggily wake up and check it. Nothing. 

Some time between 2am & 5:30am: I dream about a birth - do you think I am being consumed by what I do? 

5:30am: The phone goes off and I hear it (which I always do), pulling on my scrubs I  head down stairs to check the patients chart as I wait for her to reply back to a question I asked. 

5:45am: She texts back and is in early labor. I ask her to text again when her contractions get stronger. 

5:50am: Crawling back into bed, I don't even bother to take my scrubs off again. Sleepy. 

8am: I get out of bed to the sound of the tile workers pounding on the porch by my bedroom. This has been happening every morning but Sundays since I returned from break.  Everyone who sees me asks me if I have a labor. "No" I reply, "I just have not bothered to change out of my scrubs". 

8:15am: I drink a glass of black tea as I usually do and for a special treat I eat some cherry pie from the night before (which may I add is a special treat indeed!). 

9:30am: Right as I start thinking it is time to change out of my scrubs the woman from earlier texts that her labor has picked up and she is coming. 

10am: My labor arrives, smiling & sweet. She is 7cm and she will stay. I like her. 

Between 10am & 12pm: I check my patient off and on as I am trying to read a book report book. She is happily laboring outside. 

12pm: Her contractions are much stronger and I stay in the birth room to help her labor. Yet, she is still able to smile and giggle. 

12:30pm: I really have to pee.... 

1:45ish: After some hard wok for my patient breathing through her contractions she starts to push. She is still able to smile and giggle 

2:02pm: She pushes her baby out into my awaiting hands while sitting on the birth stool. I get splashed with amniotic fluid. My sweet patient cries out "my baby, my baby" as I place her new little one on her tummy. 

2:05pm: With a smile she exclaims "its a girl" 

2:23pm: My patient delivered her placenta. Now some of you may want to stop reading at this point, while some of you might find this interesting. Normally the placenta comes out by itself or with a little traction on the cord, this time however, I had to reach in and manually assist it (if anyone would like to know more about this just message me). 

2:40pm: While the practically perfect intern, Suzie, takes care of my patient, I hurry up to change my birth fluid splattered scrubs and then wash the birth fluids off my body. Oh and I  finally got to go pee! Better, I feel better.  

2:50pm: After drinking a cool glass of water I head back down stairs. 

From 2:50 until 4:30ish: I am scurrying around doing odds and end for my patient, such as; vitals for both mom and baby, getting her situated in the postpartum area. When all of a sudden I hear a voice coming from the delivery room bathroom. It's Anie one of my supervisors and experienced midwives on staff. She also had a patient that gave birth around the same time as mine. She needed help, her patient had passed out in the bathroom and was vomiting and bleeding. I along with the intern Suzie rush next door to assist. For the next 15-20 minutes I assisted getting her stable and situated, new IV tubing and fluid were hung, repeated blood pressures and pulse taken and mopping up the floor. Thanks to the help of several other midwives all turned out well. Oh and somewhere in there, I think about 3:30, I was finally able to take about 5 minutes to stuff down some much needed food. That piece of cherry pie had worn off long ago. 

5pm: I flop onto my bed, with my patient on 4 hour checks now, I can rest a bit. Oh, but I forgot to mention that tonight is a going away party for Suzie, who leaves on Sunday. In fact while I was busy with my patient, a videoke machine had been delivered and a delightful spread has been prepared. With yumminess and fun at hand, I just couldn't stay in bed long. 

5:20pm: Another shower... Ok, yes, I may have practiced my singing a little bit as I shampooed my hair. 

5:30pm: We begin our feasting, starting out with "dynamite" deep fried cheese stuffed peppers and deep fired pork belly. YUM. Thanks to a friend from Manila, we also had a fresh lettuce salad. Double YUM. 

6pm: Time for videoko, a favorite Filippino pass time. The machine is siting on the front porch of the clinic and yes, we will leave it there. This will be the third time this month I have sang videoko, I didn't know what songs I really knew and others that I thought I knew and didn't. My song, yes the song that I sing well is the titanic theme song, My Heart Will Go On. I didn't even know I even knew the words very well, much less that I could sing it at all. Yet here I am for the third time in a month belting it out for the neighborhood and yes, our patients to here. Funny thing about the video part, is instead of seeing a couple in love on the screen, there is downhill skiers crashing in the powdery snow. Weird. 

From 6pm to 8:30pm: We dance and sing together. Fun, silly, and simple good times. 

8:30pm: I do my 4hr postpartum check. Both mama and baby are doing well. Then back to singing...

9pmish: I am belting off Shana Twains "Man I feel like a woman" when I glance over to see my patient's face in the small window! She needed me for something... How weird is this? Where else in the world would I be singing on the front porch of a maternity clinic? I love it! 

From 9pmish until 12:30am: Slowly everyone but Suzie and I meander up stairs to bed. We stay on the porch and sing and sing and laugh and sing and dance and laugh. Good times, very good times!! 

12:30am 8/25/12: Another postpartum check, mom smiles and baby sleeps. They are both resting well. 

1am: Off to bed, alarm clock set for 4:25am when I will get up to check mom & baby again. I drift off to sleep worried I will not wake up to the alarm clock. I always worry and I always wake up

2:30am: Check the clock. whew, I have two hours left to sleep. 

4:25am: Chiming, that is getting louder. "Uh, what is that? Oh, gosh my alarm clock" I groggily slip out of bed. 

4:30am: Quietly enter the postpartum room. My patient is sitting up. She smiles. I ask her how she is feeling, "OK mam". Chatting with her I ask when the last time she nursed her baby. Not for awhile she tells me. Too long, so I go to work waking up the baby. She does not want to wake up. I tickle her toes, tickle her ribs and move her arms. She blinks sweetly and tries to go back to sleep. "No, no sweet baby, I coo to her, you need to nurse now" Her mom laughs. I glance at the clock. This is fun, but it would be more fun if it wasn't so early. "lets nurse already baby" I think to myself. About 40 minutes later, baby is finally awake enough and she starts to nurse. I the tired midwife heads back to bed. 

8am: Up again. I fill up my special blue cup with instant coffee and head down stairs. I start the task of getting my patient discharged. Time for another set of vitals, filling out the birth certificate, postpartum instructions, baby bath...

9:30am: I am praying with my patient and taking a family photo. They are ready to head home with their new special blessing. I am tired, yet I am happy. What a gift to share this special time with this family. God is good. 

10:30am: I am finished with charting and tidying after my patient left. 

11am to 12pm: Nap. Nice wonderful nap. 

12pm: Time to get on with where I left off studying... doing what I don't like, so that I can spend a life time doing what I do like, being the hands and feet of Jesus to families through midwifery.