Pressed

I ran across this poem when going through some of my old papers. The last few weeks before moving overseas are hard for me. Living a life of constant transition is difficult and yet with the pressure comes a brokeness that leads to a Christ-life outpoured. 

Pressed! 

Pressed out of measure, and pressed to all length;

Pressed so intensely it seems beyond strength;

Pressed in the body and pressed in the soul; 

Pressed in the mind till the dark surges roll:

Pressure by foes, and pressure by friends; 

Pressure on pressure till life nearly ends:

Pressed into knowing no helper but God;

Pressed into loving the staff and the rod:

Pressed into liberty where nothing clings;

Pressed into faith for impossible things: 

Pressed into living a life in the Lord; 

Pressed into living a Christ-life outpoured. 

- Unknown

Picture courtesy of google

Life as a home-birth midwife

I had been feeling that there would be a birth on Valentines day, with the full moon and all. But there wasn't. So here it was the day after, my head stuffy and nose running. It was 9pm and I was looking at a bottle of Benadryl:  should I or shouldn't I? I debated. The misery of my runny nose won and I reasoned that the chances were unlikely that I would be called as I tipped back the 2 tablespoons and envisioned a full nights rest. 

A pile of blankets on my bed, Call the Midwife novel in hand, I snuggled down for a lovely nights rest. With the help of the book and Benadryl, I soon could no longer keep my eyes open and flipped off the light. Sweet wonderful sleep, surely I will feel much improved in the morning I thought as I drifted off to dream land. 

Not even 40 minutes later my phone rings. Surely not I think, but I know. Sure enough it is Kathi and she says a mother is in labor and I need to come. I have to confess, it doesn't matter how much I love something that first step forward is hard to take. As I said OK, I'm coming and hung-up the phone, I looked at my cozy, warm bed and saw my dreams of a wonderful night’s sleep vanishing before my eyes. 

About 10 minutes later I was pulling out of my drive way into the night. It was 10:45pm. My GPS told me I would reach my destination in an hour. As I turned onto the main road, from the little side road, for some reason I didn't use my blinker or come to a complete stop - there was no one in sight. What is the point right? Shortly after I turned, I saw red and blue lights in my rearview window "oh crap" I said as I pulled over. "do you know why I pulled you over?" the officer asked,  I stammer that I am a midwife on my way to a birth as I handed him my license and registration. This is my second time being pulled over since returning from the Philippines, but only my 4th time in 14 years. I pray he will have mercy on me and not give me a ticket. He comes back and thankfully only gave me a warning. Whew!  

One huge difference between being a midwife here vs in the Philippines, is that in the Philippines the women came to us and here we go to them. I love both, but there is something extra exciting about driving through the night to a birth. Thankfully the roads were dry and I made good time. I had never been to this family’s home before and had only met the mother once. She told me their house is a little confusing to find, but I stored her instructions in the back of my mind. As I parked my car in an empty parking lot, I looked over in the direction where the GPS says the house is, there are many homes. What is the worst that can happen I think:  go to the wrong house at midnight. Thankfully her directions come flooding back and I made my way to the correct house. 

When I opened the door, I could see my fellow midwife across the room and the mother laboring in a birth tub. It is quiet and the lighting is dim. I headed back and say hi to everyone. The mother sounds transitional and I quietly and quickly helped set up the needed supplies for the birth. I am the assistant, so I lingered more in the back shadows. Shortly after I arrived, the couple’s  little girl, about 6,  woke up and came to watch. She is quiet, content and doesn't appear worried at the noises and strange movement coming from her mother. She just watches and helps offer her mom water. It is sweet. 

About an hour after I arrived, her water breaks and we know the baby will come quickly now. Sure enough, with mom kneeing in the tub, and only about two pushes, her baby girl comes sliding into the world. Beautiful!  I tried to remember to chart what was happening. Time seems to stand still at the moment of birth and I too want to stand still. But I have a job to do and I must record what is happening and make sure both mom and baby are OK. I love all aspects of being a midwife and the care that I give, but for me the moment of birth is like the icing on the cake. 

After a few moments the mom looked to discover if she has a boy or girl. She states "a girl, just like I thought".  The husband looks surprised and has to ask twice if she is sure. They already have one boy and one girl, but he was obviously hoping for a boy.  He smiles and says to his little son in his arms "I guess we are out numbered now". 

The 3 hours after the birth went quickly as we helped make the family comfortable and monitor mom and baby. They are doing great and soon we are putting on our boots and coats and heading back into the darkness. It is snowing when I leave.  I yawned and decided that I needed to find some coffee before I make the journey home. Meijer is just down the road and it is open 24hrs. I head there, it is 3:30am and they are busy restocking the store. I quickly bought my coffee drink and am soon on my way home. The snow was softly coming down, the darkness surrounds me and I am tired. I change the radio and sing sleepily along to the songs. It is hard to stay awake. But I finally make it home, back to the bed I left many hours ago and snuggle down until the sunshine comes beamingin my window a few hours later. 

Happy New year - A short look at 2013

Happy New Year! This year I found myself ringing in the year with my parents, one of my brother's and his family and two friends. It was a fun filled evening and a sharp contrast to last year.

2013 was a full year for me. It was a year of hellos and goodbyes. Of joy and of pain. A year of questions and taking a deeper look at my life's path. In it all one thing remained the same, God's consistent love and guidance. Sometimes life can seem overwhelming and I am thankful that He never changes through it all. Here is a few highlights of my year. Enjoy :)

I "caught" 20 babies. 

                                                     Moved from Asia to North America.

                                       Took the most stressful test of my LIFE and passed! 

                                   

Imported my dog Clover to the States and said goodbye to my old dog Zacchaeus. 

I made a decision to serve in Doro, S. Sudan starting in April 2014.

Was blessed with my first nephew :)

Took a pack trip in the mountains of Wyoming with a good friend. 

Found myself in temperatures ranging from over 100 to -20. 

I turned 30 - the lead up to it was more traumatic then the actual day ;) which I got to spend with my favorite little girls :) 

These are just a few key points. All in all it was a great year full of many blessings. Thank you to everyone who helped me, supported me and prayed for me!

 I hope that your 2013 was a good year and I wish you the best in 2014! 

It is hard to say goodbye.

He is an old dog. His joints are stiff, hearing gone, sight diminished, mind confused. In fact he doesn't even know who I am anymore, but that doesn't make saying goodbye any easier.

I picked Zacchaeus out of a litter of puppies when I was 16 years old. A lady standing beside me admiring the wiggly short legged corgi puppies assured me that he was the best one. I am still not sure why my parents said yes when I called them asking if I could bring him home, but I am glad they did.

Zacchaeus and my other dog Jake became fast friends and my best friends along with my horse, Romeo. We traveled many roads together, they even jumped out of my pick-up and followed me into a Wal-Mart once! Zacchaeus loved to go horse back riding, most of the time he followed so close to the horse's heels you would think he would get hit, but he never did. When I was home in 2011, at 11 years old he was still walking old familiar trails with me.

It is hard to say goodbye and every time I do, I am reminded that I was never meant to ever say goodbye. Zacchaeus has been getting noticeably worse in the few months that I have been home. Tonight he seems to have taken a big turn for the worse and I am afraid that tomorrow I will have to say the final goodbye. I don't want to and it doesn't matter if it is tomorrow or the next day or the next day. I will never want to say goodbye….

I love you my little man, thanks for being such a good friend! 

Under a apple tree

God answered my prayer. 

When I was in the Philippines during one of our devotion times we all drew a picture of something we were asking God for in the coming year on a large sheet of paper. I drew a picture of myself with my six nieces and Clover under an apple tree. 

To many this may seem like a silly prayer request. But for me it had much significance. It signified that:

                I had ended my two years of midwifery training.

                          Clover had actually made it to the USA.

                                All my nieces and I were  together at last. 

                  Joy, peace and laughter were part of my days.

                             I was home, in a place I love, with people I love. 

 Thank you Jesus for answered prayers!

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7

And she's off!

The last few days spent in Manila with Clover were pretty uneventful. We went on our twice daily walks along the bay and got different reactions from the many people we passed by. My personal favorite was when people would break out in "Teach me how to doggy, teach me, teach me, how to doggy" while doing a little dance.

The last night we even went for a buggy ride through China town and old Manila. It was dusk and raining, but fun. Well fun until we got back and the driver decided to try to guilt me into giving him more money - which actually worked, but not as much as he had planned for. Ah well.

Sunday evening buggy ride

Clover sight seeing on a buggy ride 

Clover had to lay on her bed, while I was adding the lining - too cute

Yesterday when I flagged down a taxi to take Clover to the airport and told him where I wanted to go he said "Oh I don't think they will allow her" pointing at Clover. I convinced him that yes they would :)  On the way he randomly says "why do you want a dog and not a man." In my head I thought "why can't I have a man and a dog?" To the taxi driver I said "Well dogs are loyal, they don't argue and they are always happy to see you" :)

At 3:30pm I left Clover in her crate at the KLM cargo area in Manila, where she would await her 7pm flight. I had a mix of emotions as I left her there: it is really happening, am I crazy, worrying for her during the 30hrs of transient and excitement of actually seeing her in a week at home.

The top of Clover's crate 

Weighing in 

Saying goodbye from afar :( 

I really can't believe Clover is somewhere between America and the Philippines at this very moment! Crazy! Praising God that He cares about the little things that make me happy!

moments to cherish, changes to come

My heart is thumping, my mind buzzing, I toss restlessly as sleep seems to be evading me.  This was the last two nights, my first nights in my journey with Newlife.  The moment has come, I have taken the first real step and I am nervous.  Or maybe it is the thought of being at a cliff, now I have jumped and I'm at the free falling part and I don't really know what I am about to hit!  The good news is that God knows and He has lead me down this path and I know He will continue to lead me faithfully. somewhere in North Dakota I left my home in Michigan on the morning of July 25th by train.  I arrived in WA the evening of the 27th.  It was a LONG trip, but I met lots of interesting people and got to see lots of my beautiful country as it flew past my window. Flowers in OR Crater Lake, OR I spent a wonderful week visiting friends from my college days at Canyonview Equestrian College (CEC) from '04-'06.  I started in Darrington, WA, where I got to bask in the beauty for the Cascades.  From there it was on to Silverton, OR which rekindled memories of college days, always making them more perfect than they were.  On Sunday it was off to Medford with a stop in Roseburg to see a friend.  Lots of fun memories were made and will be cherished in my heart.  I soaked up friends, horses,  pretty flowers and ice cream. LaDonna, Heidi and I enjoying some ice cream :) MOO Now I am getting to know a few fellow students from Newlife before I fly to the Philippines on Monday.  I am waiting with anticipation to get on that plane.  My prayer is that as I train to be a midwife and serve the people there that I will be filled to overflowing with the love of God and that I will continue to seek Him everyday and long for more and more of HIM in my life. Future midwives Please remember to pray for me.  I will be flying out Monday the 8th at 5:30pm and arriving in Manila on Thursday the 11th at 10:30am.  I will be taking the night bus to Tabuk that evening.  Please pray for safety, health and good transition. Thank you for your faithful prayers and support!  God has been very gracious to provide for my needs.   silly squirrel I'ed like to take it for a spin :) I love to get snail mail and you can send me a letters at : Tianne Cole c/o Abundant Grace of God Maternity  Appas Tabuk, Kalinga 3800 Philippines

A day in the strawberry patch

    A day planting strawberries equals: a dirty body, aching back, sore muscles, a jump in Clam Lake, consuming lots of water, a trip to town for ice cream, music playing over the radio, a rest in the shade, laughter with fellow strawberry planters, day dreaming, surprise when I got home and a sound nights sleep!

The new berry patch and apple blossoms  

Six workers makes for lighter work

God's blessing on the new plants

Planting on plastic for weed control 

new plants soaked and ready to be planted 

Many hands make light work!

all in a days work

Barefoot planting... I love the feel of the soil between my toes

1. 
   

Random Musings

I was out for a walk the other day enjoying the beautiful spring weather in Michigan.  It has been two years since I have been able to enjoy spring and I am loving it!  I absolutely love talking walks, it is my time to talk to God, think, sing, day dream and just be.  While living in Sudan my walks were in short supply and if I decided to brave a walk it was rarely peaceful.  Normally I would be questioned non-stop "where are you going" followed by a blank look when I told them I was "hovo haga" (walking just because).  No one in the Hills walks just to walk, no, they are going to a friends, to the field, to the grinding mill, on a journey.  But never just to walk.  I can walk for miles here and not see a soul, but if I happen to be walking down the road a quick wave is all that is done or rarely a stop to say hi.  In Didinga I would probably see 30+ people who would all say something to me... it sure is a different world...


Anyway... I was out for one of my walks trying to enjoy myself, but I kept being interrupted by this deep worried feeling and thoughts that said; "Oh my goodness you only have 2 months until you leave"  So much to do, so so MUCH" "It is never going to happen, Tianne, never" along with other thoughts until my head was spinning. The desire to just "settle" followed these thoughts.  Lets face it most women my age are married and have children or close to it.  They seem to have a pretty steady life.


 I, on the other hand, am a ways off from settling.  Since I turned 18 I have not lived in one place for longer than two years.  


 My quick timeline:


Age 18:  moved in with my Aunt and Uncle for the winter, that summer took a 2 month trip with my cousin followed by moving to Montana
November of that year moved back home, worked and went to college.  That summer spent 2 months on a short term mission trip in Africa 
Age 21: moved to Oregon to attend college for 2 years, graduated from college, moved to Wyoming for the summer and fall, moved home in November then spent December in Honduras  
Age 23:  lived at home and worked at nursing home (and other odd jobs) to save money and support raise for moving to S. Sudan
Age 25:  moved to S. Sudan
Age 27 (almost 28):  moving to the Philippine for 2yrs 


I can honestly say that I am ready to live in one place longer then 2 years.  I am wanting to nest a bit, put down some roots.  I would like to stop hearing "this is probably going to be the hardest thing you have ever done" (Canyonview told me that, TIMO told me that and now Newlife has told me that).  I am ready to stop saying goodbyes all the time...


I am confident that God wants me to spend 2yrs in the Philippines studying midwifery.  But it is my prayer that  for my 30th year and beyond I get stuck in a bit of a rut.  I am praying that God leads me to some place in Central Africa where I can share His love for more then 2 years, more like 5, 10, 15 or 20 years!  But of course since I do feel called to a place the is war torn and full of unrest, well, who really knows how "settled" my live will ever be.  God is faithful and He will give me strength to do whatever it is He calls me to do.

"Go in all simplicity; do not be anxious to win a quiet mind, and it will be all the quieter.  Do not examine so closely into the progress of your soul.  Do not crave so much to be perfect, but let your spiritual life be formed by your duties, and by the actions which are called forth by circumstances.  Do not take overmuch thought for tomorrow.  God, who has led you safely on so far, will lead you on to the end.  Be altogether at rest in the loving holy confidence which you ought to have in His heavenly Providence. " ~ St. Francis de Sales

Unexpected friendship

When I shut my eyes and remember I can feel the brush of the warm June air on my face and the smell of horse manure drying in the sun.  I was just 14 that spring and loving my job working at a riding stable.  The owners had brought home a few wild mustangs from the Bureau of Land Management sale in Lansing the pervious fall and one of them, a shy strawberry roan mare was expecting a foal. 

Her udder had bagged up and formed the waxy tips on her teats that meant her foal would soon be arriving.  I sat hopefully outside the mares’ pen on a Thursday afternoon along side my cousin Candace, talking softly to each other and trying to will the mare into giving birth.  We wouldn’t have been so eager to have her deliver this day, but my brother was getting married in just two days and we would be busy with wedding activities and unable to come again before the wedding was over.  Unfortunately we were unsuccessful at willing the mare to have her foal and we down heartedly had to leave. 

Early the following Monday morning Candace and I bounded from the car eager to see if the new baby had arrived.  As we walked toward the pen the owner informed us that the shy mare had indeed given birth to a colt.  I can remember walking up to the fence and coming face to face with a leggy chestnut baby with raccoon rings around his eyes.  The new colt had been named Romeo in honor of being born on his owner’s anniversary.  Quite the opposite of his shy mama, Romeo was inquisitive and friendly, eager to be loved on.

On a cold January day seven months later I had finally talked my parents into letting me buy a young foal to raise and train.  Eagerly I called the riding stable to see if they would be selling any of the foals that had been born the past spring.  I was secretly hoping they would tell me they were selling a pretty tall dark bay filly that was born just before Romeo.  I was only slightly disappointed when it was Romeo that ended up being for sale.  Being so impatient to have a weanling foal I didn’t even have to think twice before I handed them the $300 dollars and brought him home.

He had a shaggy long coat, pot belly and was pretty scrawny.  My farrier asked me straight up why I had bought a horse that would surely be too small for an already 6ft tall girl.  I shyly smiled and mumbled that I liked him, in truth I hadn’t really thought about it.  In my dreams I had always pictured a tall beautiful spirited horse that would be my best friend.  Romeo was just a mutt in the horse world and quirky not spirited; in the back of my mind I thought I would probably sell him once he was trained.  After all he couldn’t possibly be my dream horse, could he?

Looking back I can see God’s perfect plan in giving me Romeo.  He brought me through the tough teenage years.  His stubbornness matched mine, if I lost my temper with him I had to earn his forgiveness, which he would eventually give if I was patient.  He taught me perseverance with his ungentle man habit of giving a playful nip when your back was turned.  He taught me trust as I swung my leg over him for the first time.  Romeo didn’t even flinch; he was ready and eager to go for a ride!  He was my shoulder to cry on many on occasions.  He taught me how to let go and say goodbye when after 12 years I finally had to let him go.  

Now when I am having a hard day I close my eyes and let my mind take me back.  I am running through the woods, arms outstretched, feeling one with him.  I am laying in a field as the sun beats down, his nose lowering into my face I can feel his whiskers tickling my nose. My face buried in his coat, I breath in deep his smell.  Life may have taken us apart, but the memories stay.

I had to part with Romeo because of my call to serve God overseas.  The girl who has had Romeo for the past year is unable to keep him and I will be getting him back the end of this month.  I am looking forward to having him for the last two months I am home.  I do however need to find a new home for him by the time I leave the end of July.  If anyone is interested in Romeo or knows of someone who may be please let me know!